I’m terrible at remembering the names of new people I meet and I feel bad about it (hell, half the time I don’t even remember seeing the face before, and that has gotten me into hot water with people). Even when I do think that I remember the name, I often question myself because I’ve been embarrassed in the past when I’ve called someone by the wrong name.
So, what’s a person to do when faced with such a dilemma? Gretchen Rubin, the author of The Happiness Project, published a blog post this week addressing this very issue. She has “Tips for Faking It,” not all of which I find very effective. They are:
- You thought you knew, but you don’t
“I keep wanting to call you ‘David,’ but I know that’s not right.” – I’ve done this before, but I don’t think it’s the most graceful way to handle the situation. If someone said this to me, I would get the impression that they were actually recalling someone else. Not terribly offensive though.
- Fish it out of ‘em with flattery
“Hey, I’d love to get your card.” – The premise for this is stalling until you can see the person’s name on the card, and flattering them while you ask. A bit underhanded, IMO. I like to ask for a card at the end of a conversation.
“Wow, you have a terrific memory. I can’t believe you remember my name from that meeting six months ago. I can’t remember the names of people I met yesterday! So of course I have to ask you your name.” – Fine, tell ‘em they have a terrific memory and that you are flattered that they remembered yours. Leave all that other self-deprecating crap out though. It makes you look bad.
- Claiming you know but have a temporary memory block
“I know I know your name, but I’m blanking right now.” – I really don’t like this one. I think it just sounds tacky, though I know I’ve said it to people before. Just say that you don’t remember.
“Remind me—what’s your last name?” – The premise here is that if they say their first and last names in their reply, problem solved. This is kind of silly. Just ask what they like to be called in casual conversation.
- Let intros take their own course
“Hey,” you say to the person whose name you can’t remember, “let me introduce you to Pat Smith.” You introduce the two and say the name of the person whose name you remember. Almost always, the nameless person will volunteer his or her name. – I have to admit that I’ve done this too, especially when someone comes up before I can admit to my memory failure. But I don’t like it. I like to do introductions properly. It’s the polite thing to do. Ask the person their name and intro them first, then follow with the people you know. It’s less awkward that way.
Why all the games? Is it so terrible if we cannot remember someone’s name after a first meeting? I tend to meet several people per week and not see them again for several weeks or months. It’s natural to forget when you don’t have that interaction from day-to-day.
Though I do feel a bit bad when I forget a person’s name, however, I’m not offended at all when people don’t remember mine (unless, of course, we’ve known each other well for some time, in which case I’ll probably wonder what’s wrong more so than taking offense).
I’m curious, my readers, about what you do and feel in such situations?
