Wendy Coneybeer

Whether you’re an Atheist, Agnostic, a Nihilist, Christian, Wiccan, Muslim, Jew or anything else, remember that we are all just human beings with the same basic origins. Your beliefs are important and right to you, but that should not give you the right to push and sway others. Here’s why:

According to David Barrett et al, editors of the World Christian Encyclopedia: A comparative survey of churches and religions – AD 30 to 2200, “there are 19 major world religions which are subdivided into a total of 270 large religious groups, and many smaller ones. 34,000 separate Christian groups have been identified in the world.” That’s a lot. Chances are, the person sitting in the next chair over in any public place believes differently than you. What exactly does attacking that person, or trying to convert their beliefs, solve?

The only way to keep “Peace on Earth and good will towards men” is to respect the beliefs of those around you. Maybe you don’t believe the same way, but why can’t we coexist anyway? I can tolerate those of another faith, and you can too.

This year, give those around you the gift of an open mind and tolerance.

This December 30th, 2011 will mark 10 years that I have been married to my husband, Chris, and I can honestly say that I’ve never been happier at any point in my life. In this decade, we’ve certainly had our ups and downs, however, and I think the milestone at least somewhat qualifies me to be an authority figure on what makes for a happy marriage. (I also know what makes for an unhappy marriage, seeing as how this is my third one, but we’ll talk about that in another post.)

Here are the 5 things I believe are necessary to attain and maintain happiness in any marriage, no matter how long you’ve been together:

1. Communication – Is there an elephant in the room? Don’t let there be if you want to stay satisfied with your mate. Talk about everything from work to sex to whatever you saw in the daily news. Tell each other about your friends. Listen when your spouse is talking to you. If you cannot effectively communicate with one another you union will likely not last.
2. Intimacy - Do it! Yes, that. Have sex on a regular basis (whatever “regular” is to you and your spouse. Communicate to find out!). Role play. Talk about your fantasies. Get funky, go forth, and fornicate. It brings you closer, boosts confidence, and sends all kinds of good hormones flowing through your bodies.
3. Trust – Do you worry about whether or not your spouse might be cheating? That worry alone is stress on your relationship. Trust lifts the weight of that stress. Let go of unnecessary jealousy and let each other flirt knowing that you’re going home to each other. Communicate and define your boundaries as a couple and you’ll be just fine.
4. Compliments - Tell your partner on a daily basis that you think he or she is sexy, beautiful, smart, etc. Notes are nice if you can’t be there in person for some reason, but they work best coming straight from your lips to your spouses ear. (I have a card on my dresser’s mirror from Chris telling me how sexy I am in beautiful script. It’s a fantastic daily reminder!) Make sure the nice words are genuine, and don’t allow the relationship to become one-sided in this respect.
5. Spontaneous Kindness – Surprise your spouse by picking up a chore that you don’t usually do, bringing home a present or carry-out dinner out of the blue, or taking them out on a spontaneous date that you think he or she might like. Don’t get caught in a rut of day-in-day-out chores and work. Keep some spontaneity alive to stoke the happiness factor. 

So there you have it. Try your best to adhere to these 5 things, but know that no marriage is perfect. When you have a problem, communicate about it. If either of you screws up (and you will, periodically, still take each other for granted and not be the greatest partners in the world), forgive. And, remember, nobody is perfect, and no relationship is perfect either.

Do you have any special secrets to keep your marriage alive for years to come? Feel free to share them in the comments.