Archive for Human Behavior

The gift of an open mind and tolerance

Whether you’re an Atheist, Agnostic, a Nihilist, Christian, Wiccan, Muslim, Jew or anything else, remember that we are all just human beings with the same basic origins. Your beliefs are important and right to you, but that should not give you the right to push and sway others. Here’s why:

According to David Barrett et al, editors of the World Christian Encyclopedia: A comparative survey of churches and religions – AD 30 to 2200, “there are 19 major world religions which are subdivided into a total of 270 large religious groups, and many smaller ones. 34,000 separate Christian groups have been identified in the world.” That’s a lot. Chances are, the person sitting in the next chair over in any public place believes differently than you. What exactly does attacking that person, or trying to convert their beliefs, solve?

The only way to keep “Peace on Earth and good will towards men” is to respect the beliefs of those around you. Maybe you don’t believe the same way, but why can’t we coexist anyway? I can tolerate those of another faith, and you can too.

This year, give those around you the gift of an open mind and tolerance.

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A decade of experience: 5 things for happy marriage

This December 30th, 2011 will mark 10 years that I have been married to my husband, Chris, and I can honestly say that I’ve never been happier at any point in my life. In this decade, we’ve certainly had our ups and downs, however, and I think the milestone at least somewhat qualifies me to be an authority figure on what makes for a happy marriage. (I also know what makes for an unhappy marriage, seeing as how this is my third one, but we’ll talk about that in another post.)

Here are the 5 things I believe are necessary to attain and maintain happiness in any marriage, no matter how long you’ve been together:

  1. Communication – Is there an elephant in the room? Don’t let there be if you want to stay satisfied with your mate. Talk about everything from work to sex to whatever you saw in the daily news. Tell each other about your friends. Listen when your spouse is talking to you. If you cannot effectively communicate with one another you union will likely not last.
  2. Intimacy - Do it! Yes, that. Have sex on a regular basis (whatever “regular” is to you and your spouse. Communicate to find out!). Role play. Talk about your fantasies. Get funky, go forth, and fornicate. It brings you closer, boosts confidence, and sends all kinds of good hormones flowing through your bodies.
  3. Trust – Do you worry about whether or not your spouse might be cheating? That worry alone is stress on your relationship. Trust lifts the weight of that stress. Let go of unnecessary jealousy and let each other flirt knowing that you’re going home to each other. Communicate and define your boundaries as a couple and you’ll be just fine.
  4. Compliments - Tell your partner on a daily basis that you think he or she is sexy, beautiful, smart, etc. Notes are nice if you can’t be there in person for some reason, but they work best coming straight from your lips to your spouses ear. (I have a card on my dresser’s mirror from Chris telling me how sexy I am in beautiful script. It’s a fantastic daily reminder!) Make sure the nice words are genuine, and don’t allow the relationship to become one-sided in this respect.
  5. Spontaneous Kindness – Surprise your spouse by picking up a chore that you don’t usually do, bringing home a present or carry-out dinner out of the blue, or taking them out on a spontaneous date that you think he or she might like. Don’t get caught in a rut of day-in-day-out chores and work. Keep some spontaneity alive to stoke the happiness factor. 

So there you have it. Try your best to adhere to these 5 things, but know that no marriage is perfect. When you have a problem, communicate about it. If either of you screws up (and you will, periodically, still take each other for granted and not be the greatest partners in the world), forgive. And, remember, nobody is perfect, and no relationship is perfect either.

Do you have any special secrets to keep your marriage alive for years to come? Feel free to share them in the comments.


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In my Thanksgiving dreams

I remember being around 3 or 4 years old and staying at my grandmother’s house the night before Thanksgiving because my mom had to work (She was a telephone operator and often got stuck working holidays because the old timers had more “seniority” and chose to have the big holidays off). When I woke up in the morning, the mouth-watering scents of a full Thanksgiving dinner spread were wafting through the air ducts into the entire house.

My grandfather was not there, but rather off deer hunting with his brother-in-law, my great uncle Bill. I don’t ever remember them catching a deer during their hunting mornings, but those are two men who loved being at one with nature and probably just enjoyed sitting quietly in the Upstate NY wilderness for hours on end. My dad was probably out hunting with one of his brothers or brothers-in-law too.

I would just spend the morning watching my grandmother prepare her Thanksgiving feast: Oven roasted turkey and dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy, broccoli with cheese sauce, coleslaw, fresh rolls, an olive tray, fruit and nut bowls, and pumpkin pies. In stark contrast to all of that deliciousness were a couple of foods that you couldn’t get me to touch with a 10-foot pole without gagging: the bowl of bright orange mush otherwise known as winter squash, and the can-shaped glob of gelatinous cranberry sauce.

Dinner would be set for 2PM. My parents would arrive a bit late, much to my grandmother’s chagrin, and maybe there would be some other family there, but these were the days before I had any close cousins to speak of. I was usually the only kid hanging around.

After dinner, we would watch a movie (never football or sports) and stuff ourselves with pie and candy and maybe some ice cream, bellies heaving with each breath. Alice’s Restaurant was always a popular film of choice. I would sit on the couch and drift in and out of a food-induced coma.

That was our Thanksgiving, and it was always my favorite holiday when I was a kid.

Throughout the years things have changed a lot: My grandfather passed away in 1984, I moved out of the area in 1994, and my parents moved to Phoenix in 2006. I now have four beautiful younger cousins, one of them with a new baby of her own!

This Thanksgiving, I am planning on having my parents over to my Mesa home and eating Chinese take-out because of the ease and accessibility. Football will likely be the viewing entertainment of choice, thanks to my husband, Chris.

Today, Thanksgiving Eve, I took part in a community potluck at Gangplank, and got to eat a delicious dinner featuring deep-fried turkey, plenty of potatoes and cheese, and an array of desserts that would be enough to sustain one person for months. Community participants brought their spouses and children who don’t ordinarily come out for events. It was a great day of food and friends.

Even though it’s nothing close to the Thanksgiving of my childhood, I’m thankful that I have plenty of good people in my life to share the holidays with this year. I’ll still remember the holidays of old in my dreams.

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